


A Kiss Goodbye

by androgynousclintbarton



Series: 25 Days of Kisses 2020 [24]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, it sort of just happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28288896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: Kakashi gets a letter from Tenzo after receiving the news of Tenzo's capture during the war.Kiss: Mail Kiss
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Series: 25 Days of Kisses 2020 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055207
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	A Kiss Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TenzoYamato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenzoYamato/gifts).



~~_ Dear Senpai, Kakashi, _ ~~

_ Dear Kakashi, _

_There are few times where I question the importance of a mission, and I really do understand the importance of this one. Keeping Naruto and Bee away from the war is the best course of action to ensure that they are safe._

~~_But was I really necessary for this mission?_~~ _I guess I just wish there was more than I could do. I know that you’d tell me I’m needed here. That if anything goes wrong I’m the only one who can keep the Kyubi under control, and that Naruto needs someone from the team here with him. At least that way maybe he won’t question what’s going on as much, and won’t try to run off to a war we’re trying so desperately to keep him out of._

_Still, a part of me wishes that I wasn’t here right now. That Gai could take care of things and I could help you._ _Be by your side._ _Hear a little less Rap music in my days. Maybe I could keep my sanity for just a bit longer if I wasn’t tasked with playing babysitter to the two more ridiculous jinjuuriki that could have ever been created._

__ ~~_Seriously, are all Jinjuurki like this automatically? Is Gaara-san the only level headed one to ever exist?_~~

_I guess what I’m saying, what I wish had happened, is that I was still with you. That I could be by your side, making sure that you’re ok. That someone has your back in this war. After all, we both know how reckless you can be, Senpai. I used to think that you had no regard for your life back when we were on Team Ro together, and maybe that was true._

_Maybe sometimes it’s still true. Even after all these years you’re still not the best at taking care of yourself in the field. Someone has to make sure you come home alive, and I’d prefer it to be me._

_I guess this is all a really long way of saying what has been on my mind for the past few months. Ever since I was put in charge of Team seven while you were healing, it has been at the back of my mind. Nagging me constantly, and it only got worse when I saw you again._

_I missed you._

_All those years of seeing you maybe once a month between missions, and knowing I wasn’t there to protect you during your own missions. Knowing that if anything happened to you I would never get to tell you how I feel._

~~_How much I need you in my life._~~

_How much I love you._

_That’s been eating at me the most these days. We’re in the middle of a war that could lead to the end of everything that we know and love, and all I can think about is how much I love you. How I’ve loved you for the past few years, though I’m not quite sure when I realized it._

_How this could be the last chance I ever have to tell you what you mean to me, and I can’t think of what else to say. What words could possibly explain the extent of these feelings that I’ve been trying so desperately to ignore._

_How I may never see you again, and I can’t imagine anything more heartbreaking._

_Love, Tenzo._

There’s an eerie silence on the battlefield. No one chatting outside the temporary camp, no words of celebration or comfort to be heard anywhere nearby. Just silence. Agonizing silence that allowed the thoughts running through his mind to echo, a never ending repetition.

_ I love you. _

His eyes scan over the words over and over again, trying desperately to understand them. To comprehend why Tenzo was saying them now, in a note that he had written in the middle of the ocean while tucked away in some small room a world away from Kakashi. 

Why he hadn’t told him earlier, when he could do something.

Before everything went wrong.

He can’t help but reread the letter once more, searching for anything that he might have missed. Nothing changes and he can’t help but feeling frustrated about it. 

“What did i miss?” He didn’t mean to speak out loud, but hearing them somehow helps him recognize the emotions boiling up inside of him. The jumble of feelings that he couldn’t quite understand as he was reading the letter the first few times.

Anger, at himself for missing the signs that he knows must have been there. Clear as day to anyone with a functioning pair of eyes and a basic understanding of emotions. 

Confusion. Why him? Out of everyone that Tenzo could have fallen in love with, why did it have to be him? Konoha’s resident disaster. Couldn’t Tenzo have done better? Didn’t he know that falling in love with ‘friend-killer’ Kakashi was doomed to fail?

Hurt. Deep down inside of his chest it squeezes his heart in a painful grasp. One that makes it difficult to breathe. A pain that Kakashi hasn’t felt for a long time. One that he had thought, hoped, had finished haunting him.

He can feel the panic starting to set in as his fingers curl into the delicate paper, crumpling it even when he tries desperately to prevent himself from doing any damage to the letter.

The last thing that he has left of Tenzo.

The only thing he may ever receive from Tenzo ever again.

His thoughts spiral out of control, and the pain in his chest only gets worse. A deep, throbbing hurt that sinks further into his heart the more he thinks about Tenzo. The way Tenzo would smile at him when they greeted each other. That look of disapproval that would cement itself on Tenzo’s face when Kakashi did something that he didn’t like. The brush of his hands against his arm when they were just a little too close.

The smell of lavender and oak that always clung to Tenzo’s skin. Scents that had become so familiar to Kakashi over the years after nights of sleeping curled around Tenzo during Anbu missions, hoping that his body would protect the Mokuton user in case of attack. 

Scents that had only ever been connected to Tenzo, and which seemed to stick to his nose now even though Tenzo was nowhere in sight. 

“This isn’t-you’re not supposed to…” His fingers curl into a fist, crunching the letter in his grasp. His brain screams at him to calm down. He has a war to fight. Plans to make. People are relying on him to be a leader and help them survive this damn war, but he can’t.

Not right now.

Not when his heart is bursting with hurt. 

“Tenzo.” his voice falters, unsure of what it’s trying to say. What words could be said in a moment like this? Would they bring Tenzo back? Would it be enough to save the Mokuton user from ever being captured by Kabuto in the first place? 

Forcing his hand open, he looked down at the crumpled letter staring up at him. He can still see the words that haunted him, the ones that refused to leave him alone.

_ I love you _

He wanted to scream. To demand an explanation from the universe for why this always had to happen. Why those three simple words haunted him over and over again. Always taking those he cared about away from him after they dared to say those words to him.

“Why?” somehow his heart breaks a little bit more, and he can’t help but curl into himself and press his hands against his head. The letter is crushed completely in his grip, but he doesn’t care anymore. It’s just paper.

Just words that Tenzo was never able to say to his face.

Words that he’ll never be able to hear for himself.

It’s like a kiss against his lips, left behind by a ghost. A kiss he’ll never be able to taste for himself, existing only on the face of Tenzo’s letter.

A tease, for something he can never have for himself.

The pain in his chest worsens, and his fingers twitch against his head as the tears start to slide down his face. Each breath he draws in burns, like he’s swallowing fire. He’s not sure what’s happening around him anymore, only registering the moment that an arm comes down around his shoulders and pulls him right up against a solid body.

Gai.

It has to be Gai. No one else would interrupt him. No one had the courage to approach him when he’s in this state, preferring to back out and leave well enough alone if they are unfortunate enough to walk in on him during a bad spiral. 

No one else knew about the letter, except for Gai. The one who had found it tucked away in Tenzo’s things after Kabuto’s attack, and gave it to Kakashi. The only person who knew what Kakashi might be going through at this moment.

He doesn’t relax the same way he usually would with his friend by his side. Not tonight. He just curls up into himself and hides his face away in Gai’s chest, thankful that his friend knew when to show up.

That he didn’t have to be alone when the pain became unbearable.


End file.
